An attempt at farewell

Why should I not jump
What's it all to you
So what if it will hurt
So what if it affects you too
Mind your goddamn business
Give it up and stay away
Let me fuck up if I dare
It is not about you
You did well
You gave me all
You tought me great
And my exhaustion
Is not yours to bear
I'm just a weakling
A blinded, selfish jerk
But you gave me life
So thank you, it's been swell
But it is indeed mine
To live or throw away
Or even just to live it well
It all ends up in the same place
So just let me take the shortcut
And get out of your own way
To wherever you thought you were going
I will meet you on the other side someday
No, you didn't fail me
And no, you couldn't have been more there
It's not about your being or not being
It's not even about being me myself
It is just that I'm too tired
It is just that I don't care
I just ain't finding the same answers
Everybody seems to get
When they tell themselves good morning
Is there sense in this new day?
Our bodies drop their hair
They throw out a million cells
There's so fucking many of us
And you made it after others left
This is nothing personal
This is no reproach or claim
You wanted to be a grandparent
Well, you are, and I just wanna be dead
Granted, it might not seem quite as common
But it don't mean that it should not be made
There are folks who go for gay
Others presidents, others defend whales
I'm just on a different path of my vocation
I don't contribute, I don't love, I don't create
So my thing might just as well be death
I wanted to wait till you both went, I swear
Not to have you waiting there
But to avoid causing you any of this pain
But the whole point is that I'm impatient
That I'm tired and really very bad at dealing with stuff
So I hope you'll understand and go on without any blame
Cause none is yours to assume or carry
And none of this is yours to repair
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
There there...

Would it really be much better
If I had tripped and split my head?
If a truck would have dismembered me
Or I had fallen with a plane?
No goodbyes and no I love yous,
Only questions and the awful thought that it might have been unfair
Is it really that much better when it happens that way?
Could you then feel easy thinking it was meant?
Well why can't you now, I'm telling you
This is what I always knew would be my end
Ok, perhaps I thought I'd make it to 50
Like the Steppenwolf (if you deliberately ignore the end)
But we all know I tried and did my best
Hell, this may even come as a surprise to most
Which should be a sign of just how good I played at being alive
A good voice, but not a singer
A good mind, but no great jurist or writer or scientist
A good guy, but no Mother Teresa or Gandhi
A good heart, but not much husband or father material
Overall a waste of space and precious and scarce resources...
Let's agree that it's good riddance then
Or just agree to disagree
I've apologised and I've explained myself
More than you would probably even require or expect
So let's keep it short and simple
Although now it seems too late...
Let's say we're all clear about our positions
And bid ourselves farewell