Dead and gone

Karma came
And took my love
I never knew
What I had done
Or what I took
To owe so much
But I've been good
And now I hope
That it will do
To get back some
Though I'm afraid
It won't return
The same old her
The her I lost
It's all the same
Since now I know
We don't get back
What's dead and gone
And in the end
We just rip what we sow

Sharing loneliness

Was I different then
Or was it I was less
Less different than I though I was
Or less different from her
Maybe I was a different person
Maybe she just wanted to pretend
To find someone to relate to
In that loneliness we shared
But the lonely remain lonely
As stubborn people hardly change
She moved on in her own path
And I was left back in my place
Without warning things kept moving
But I stood still without her
Like an old tree amidst a city
Like a river without rain
Withering despite all efforts
Love dried out and left us bare
She's still lonely, and so am I
We just parted, never cared
For the lonely know not company
Nor the way how to revert
The desire to be with someone
Without having to depend
Or adapt or give up something
That will make the other stay
Now we've got no one to hold us
And we're bound to stay the same
For as long as I can't mend me
For as long as she's afraid
There is no hope for either one of us
Though for each other we were made

Free flow (y no tanto)

Siempre he sido un rimador
Pero nunca fui poeta
Puede haber inspiración
Pero me faltan las letras
Pa expresar con precisión
Lo que tengo en la cabeza
Se me nubla el corazón
Y me fallan las ideas
Pero ante falta amor
Debe haber salidas nuevas
Sin temor ni represión
Echar esto para afuera
Si no sale una canción
He de hacer rimas pendejas
Hasta hallarle una razón
A esto de lo que soy presa
No es impulso ni es misión
Simplemente una manera
Pretenciosa variación
Pa aliviar lo que me pesa
Sin estilo ni ambición
Como salga vaya y venga
Aquí estoy en mi rincón
Escondido de mis penas
Libre y solo sin presión
No me importa quien lo lea

Ejercito y rectifico
Si se puede me corrijo
Pierdo el hilo
Y no me fijo
Ni siquiera aplico filtros
Mientras fluya lo que digo
Si no rimo
Pego un grito
Lloro, canto, vivo y río
Pero no me mortifico
Voy a hacer de este papel mi adicción, mi amor, mi amigo
Cómplice de mi ilusión de vivir un día tranquilo

Otro insomne contratiempo

Y si cierro los ojos y no despierto?
Y si hablo al trabajo y me reporto enfermo?
Y si algún día termino lo que empiezo?
Se me acabarán así al fin los pretextos?

Para empezar a vivir y dejar de hacer lo que estoy haciendo
Que no es más que conmiserarme y perder el tiempo
Viendo pasar los días sin hacer nada más que hacerme viejo
Con el pánico de no saber lo que soy ni lo que quiero
Verdugo de mi propio ser, llama de mi propio infierno
Por ahora basta de chillar, es hora de de seguir durmiendo

Invisible man

You don't owe me an explanation
So let's just leave it at that
I'm tired of hearing excuses
In denial of such a simple fact
I am just a fucking loser
And you clearly know it, so cut the crap
It's gonna be better anyway
For you and him and the whole gang
And though I stay here lonely
I guess it is not that bad
It's where I've always been
Living slow and dying fast
The bubble bursts, illusions fade
If anything I should be glad
Because having you just to lose you
Eventually would have been hard
Now I'm where I've always been
In my place of constant black
Like the noise that was never there
Like a shadow in the dark
Like a dreamer that can never sleep
Like a lover with a heart gone bad
I will always stay the same
Ugly and lonely and pathetically sad
Never wanted, always needing
Never needed by whom I want
Don't pretend you're sorry
And don't tell me you feel bad
You won't even remember meeting me
After you have turned your back
You'll continue feeling nothing
And I'll know my place at last
As a spirit of oblivion
The one and only invisible man

Stupid dream

A death in my family
And you come to mind
Not a lovely coincidence
But it's one of a kind:
While stirring in sadness
You're all I could find

Anxious in the wake
Sleep left me behind
In a turmoil of feelings,
Like a gag and a bind
Threshold of nightmares
To run through all night.

There are no storms,
And no monsters to fight
It's just a normal day
For a together you and I
It seems and feels great
Except I know it's a lie.

I can perceive you entirely
The dreamy ocean of your eyes
A breeze tussling your hair
And making your perfume fly
Which, while touching your soft skin
Make my head feel oh so light.

But the sweeter the feeling
The more I can realise
A void that keeps growing
In that consciousness inside
Knowing that it's just a dream
Won't spare the pain to my heart and my mind.

An attempt at farewell

Why should I not jump
What's it all to you
So what if it will hurt
So what if it affects you too
Mind your goddamn business
Give it up and stay away
Let me fuck up if I dare
It is not about you
You did well
You gave me all
You tought me great
And my exhaustion
Is not yours to bear
I'm just a weakling
A blinded, selfish jerk
But you gave me life
So thank you, it's been swell
But it is indeed mine
To live or throw away
Or even just to live it well
It all ends up in the same place
So just let me take the shortcut
And get out of your own way
To wherever you thought you were going
I will meet you on the other side someday
No, you didn't fail me
And no, you couldn't have been more there
It's not about your being or not being
It's not even about being me myself
It is just that I'm too tired
It is just that I don't care
I just ain't finding the same answers
Everybody seems to get
When they tell themselves good morning
Is there sense in this new day?
Our bodies drop their hair
They throw out a million cells
There's so fucking many of us
And you made it after others left
This is nothing personal
This is no reproach or claim
You wanted to be a grandparent
Well, you are, and I just wanna be dead
Granted, it might not seem quite as common
But it don't mean that it should not be made
There are folks who go for gay
Others presidents, others defend whales
I'm just on a different path of my vocation
I don't contribute, I don't love, I don't create
So my thing might just as well be death
I wanted to wait till you both went, I swear
Not to have you waiting there
But to avoid causing you any of this pain
But the whole point is that I'm impatient
That I'm tired and really very bad at dealing with stuff
So I hope you'll understand and go on without any blame
Cause none is yours to assume or carry
And none of this is yours to repair
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
There there...

Would it really be much better
If I had tripped and split my head?
If a truck would have dismembered me
Or I had fallen with a plane?
No goodbyes and no I love yous,
Only questions and the awful thought that it might have been unfair
Is it really that much better when it happens that way?
Could you then feel easy thinking it was meant?
Well why can't you now, I'm telling you
This is what I always knew would be my end
Ok, perhaps I thought I'd make it to 50
Like the Steppenwolf (if you deliberately ignore the end)
But we all know I tried and did my best
Hell, this may even come as a surprise to most
Which should be a sign of just how good I played at being alive
A good voice, but not a singer
A good mind, but no great jurist or writer or scientist
A good guy, but no Mother Teresa or Gandhi
A good heart, but not much husband or father material
Overall a waste of space and precious and scarce resources...
Let's agree that it's good riddance then
Or just agree to disagree
I've apologised and I've explained myself
More than you would probably even require or expect
So let's keep it short and simple
Although now it seems too late...
Let's say we're all clear about our positions
And bid ourselves farewell